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Mad #309 March 1992
- Cover Artist: Jack Davis
- Cover Writer: Tom Hachtman
- Beverly Hills 911 (TV Satire)
- John Caldwell -- Dramas on Pages 9 and 20
- Christmas Carols for Modern Times
- Paul Peter Porges -- Using Sports Equipment in Everyday Life
- Duck Edwing -- Hangs Out at the Mall
- If Other Historical Eras Had Been as "Lawsuit Happy" as Ours is Today
- Other "Diseases" of the Machine World
- Rick Tulka -- The Mad Stages of...
- Minute-By-Minute Breakdown of Popular TV Shows
- The Rhyme of the Ailing President
- Sergio Aragones -- A Mad Look at Tools
- An Underachiever is...
- Practical S.A.T. Questions
- Quandary Heap (TV Satire)
- New Cabinet-Level Departments We'd Like to See
- Spy Vs. Spy
- Al Jaffee Fold-In -- What yo-yo like activity has its painful ups and downs?
- Back Cover -- GQ - Geek's Quarterly Magazine
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